What year is the car? It "might" matter. This really does not sound like an issue to be caused by your auto lamps.
Remote start as well..... look for the auto light wire at the switch, break it with a relay so the remote start has no impact on the lights.
Blue / YELLOW one half (switch side) to pin 87a, the other to pin 30, NOTHING to 87, 12v to 86, and ground while running (status output....what ever you wish to
call it) to 85. try that.
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always a good idea to isolate and break autolamp wire.. i usually do it w/ a rearm wire.. ground while running will be a better option for this. .
however if he wasn't initally hooked to the autolamps wire, i would be suprised is this helps. very curious. i see the point, if it only happens in autolamp mode, dont let it see that setting.. seems like the autolamps could be affecting something else in the car.. you have a really good ground. and where u go for power? seems like basic questions i realize, sometimes easy to overlook. if your "iffy" on power/ground its possible that the extra draw from the fancy lights in the car are dropping you voltage out of usable range.
glad its not my prob.. jk good luck
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MOBILE F/X
ok some more info but not quite resolved yet. ive narrowed it down i believe to the factory door lock system. after i lock the car, the factory security LED stays lit for ~30 sec. during this time i can lock/unlock the car and remote start it just fine. after the 30sec factory security LED begins to flash. The car will then refuse to unlock/lock although the lights flash the the brain and remote "think" it actually unlocks. therfore the factory security never disarms and causes me all the issues.
I wired the door locks up with the basic Negative Trigger diagram out of my directions. I am using the ORANGE / blue and ORANGE / black wires in the drivers console switch for lock/unlock and used diodes in place as recommended.
The directions indicate there is a way to wire up Priority door locks. Should I be using this? The car has a factory priority door unlock.