Thought You Guys Would Like this

Quantas Airline Maintenance Logs


Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QUANTAS
pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way
Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
(P) stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log, (S)
stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.


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P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: There is no autoland installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in c**kpit.
S: Something tightened in c**kpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined
airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

P: Mouse in c**kpit.
S: Cat installed.


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J Rilla

Owner/Installer

What c***s***er turned the "oc" into "**"?

Just Kidding. I just had to use that word again.

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J Rilla

Owner/Installer

Wow, there should be a password protected forum so we can let the explitives fly whenever we feel like it.

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J Rilla

Owner/Installer

I'm never flying again.

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Certified Security Specialist
Always check info with a digital multimeter.
I promise to be good.
Tell Darwin I sent you.

I've been sick lately, sorry I won't be on much.

man, is this an actual maintenance log or is this a joke?

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Houston,TX
"The two most common elements in the universe are H+ and stupidity" (Ellison).

im a aviation major and all i have to say is  damn them aussies!!!!!!!

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Best Buy Installer

LMFAO !!! OK, that really made my day. Thanks alot, and people thought make believe things were funnier.

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Knowledge is power. But only if you apply that knowledge in a positive way, which promotes positive results in others.

EVIL Teken . . .

Seen this before but it sounds much like something that I would do.

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Top Secret, I can tell you but then my wife will kill me.

is there a link or something? my girlfriend jsut asked me to fly quantus. She would understand qhy i chose another airline if she saw this

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We need one of those where I work!

one more thing... my spell check cant spell ie. jsut, qhy

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Misterjimbo, i got this email as a forward about 2 years ago. I just ran across it in my email when looking for another email and thought everyone would have a good laugh. So far Teken has been the only one to respond in the way I had thought everyone would respond. Come on guys this is really funny. Why analyze it any further.

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J Rilla

Owner/Installer

I used to be in aviation maintenance and we put stuff like that all the time. A buddy used to be a crew chief for the F-117A stealths and whenever a pilot complained of something that was obviosly the fault of his not following procedure he would write up the recommended course of action as "Remove/Replace Joystick Actuator". Keep in mind that what actuates the "joystick" is the pilot.....

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Mitchell Whitney, Installer/technician
Mainstreet A/V

Haha!  I used to do that with a friend at a management job.  We would leave strange messages in the management log (because we had to leave something) that people would sit and try to figure out, and the other would write back something equally odd that only increased the confusion, once upon a time.  It used to baffle my operations manager. Other people would write an entire page about how the day went, losers.   Thanks for the humor.

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What will you get for Christmas, bad boy? Coal........or Visonik?? - stevdart

Wow, is everyone clueless and lost in the dark? - uthinkuknoaudio