Joke time
Printed From: the12volt.com
Forum Name: Miscellaneous - Off Topic
Forum Discription: Topics that just don't fit anywhere else.
URL: https://www.the12volt.com/installbay/forum_posts.asp?tid=66609
Printed Date: April 29, 2024 at 11:08 PM
Topic: Joke time
Posted By: tcss
Subject: Joke time
Date Posted: November 19, 2005 at 4:37 PM
Guy stands up in a crowded bar and says " I think all lawyers are ***holes " Guy at the other end of the bar says " I take great offense to that remark " First guy says " What are you a lawyer?" " No I'm an ***HOLE"! ------------- There is no such thing as free installation!
Replies:
Posted By: KarTuneMan
Date Posted: November 19, 2005 at 4:48 PM
Two friends were hunting in the woods. One was an experienced hunter. He was taking his friend on his first hunting trip. But his friend was a peaceful guy who didn't have the heart to hurt any animals. Eventually, they found a deer. When they were within shooting range, they saw that the deer had an infection in one eye. The infection explained why the deer hadn't seen them sneak up. The experienced hunter readied his gun and looked through the viewfinder. But before he could shoot, his friend started making a commotion. "Hey," he said, "this is a bad-eye deer." | |
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Posted By: KarTuneMan
Date Posted: November 19, 2005 at 4:50 PM
COW POLITICS Communist You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It's expensive and sour. Free Enterprise You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a heard of cows. Bureaucracy You have two cows. Under the new program, the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain. Corporation, American style You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of 4 cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. PLEASE KEEP THIS THREAD OPEN, AND RUNNING....THIS IS GREAT -------------
Posted By: ss-installer
Date Posted: November 19, 2005 at 6:13 PM
whats the best thing about dateing a homeless girl? you can drop her off anywhere. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- why does the blonde girl keep empty beer bottles in the fridge? for nondrinkers. -------------
Posted By: EM12986
Date Posted: November 19, 2005 at 9:02 PM
Why do morons like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture. Why did it take the moron an hour to eat breakfast?
Because the orange juice carton instructions said Concentrate ! ! What do you do if a moron throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back at him. How did the moron fall on the floor?
He tripped over the cordless phone. How did the moron try to kill a bird?
He threw it off a mountain cliff ! Why did the moron climb the glass wall ?
To see what was on the other side! How do you confuse a moron?
Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in one corner! Hear about the moron that got an AM radio?
It took him a month to realize he could play it at night. Why did the moron going to the airport turn around and go home?
Because he saw the sign that said "Airport Left". Two morons were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first moron said "These look like deer tracks,"
and the other moron said, "No, they look like moose tracks."
They argued and argued, and they were still arguing when the train hit them. Why can't a moron dial 911?
He can't find the 11 on the phone! How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
Posted By: arrow12
Date Posted: November 20, 2005 at 6:24 PM
Hope this doesn't offend anyone- Your momma is so fat she fell in love and broke it. Your momma is so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes. Your momma is so stupid she went to a clippers game and thought she could get a hair cut. ------------- That's my opinion. Take it, leave it, or correct me.
Posted By: tcss
Date Posted: November 21, 2005 at 3:58 PM
What do a 747 and a bleach blonde have in common? They both have a black box...... ------------- There is no such thing as free installation!
Posted By: supradude
Date Posted: November 21, 2005 at 9:55 PM
New meanings? Iraq-When we got to the poolhall, I told my uncle, iraq, you break. Omelette- I should smack you for what you just did, but omelette this one slide. Acoustic-When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the pool hall. Hotel- I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the hotel everybody. Rectum- I had two Caddy's, but my girl rectum both.
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'85 Toy
Posted By: menace2sobriety
Date Posted: November 23, 2005 at 12:37 AM
here,s one my lil' cousin told me some time ago. i dont know how it will go being writen but here goes. how do you get an elephant into a safeway? (sub answer) take the "S" out of safe and the "F" out of way! (answer) their is no f in way. -------------
Posted By: chriswallace187
Date Posted: November 23, 2005 at 4:45 AM
A horse walks into a bar...bartender asks "why the long face?"
A guy walks up to a club entrance with jumper cables around his neck. The bouncer says, "I'll let you in, but don't start anything!"
How many DIY project enthusiasts does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but it takes 2 weeks and 4 trips to the hardware store.
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C Renner's Auto Electronix
My service is cheap, quick, and good - pick any two
Posted By: supradude
Date Posted: November 23, 2005 at 6:29 AM
A bear and a rabbit were taking a crap in the woods. The rabbit looks at the bear and asks "Do you ever have a problem with crap sticking to your fur?" The bear answers, "No, I usually find a rabbit to wipe my but with!"
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'85 Toy
Posted By: speedwayaudio1
Date Posted: November 23, 2005 at 7:23 AM
Yo momma so poor I saw her walking down the street kickin a can. I asked what she was doing. She said" I'm moving".
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Big Dave
Posted By: tcss
Date Posted: November 23, 2005 at 4:02 PM
How many Irishman does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to hold the lightbulb and one to drink so much that the room starts to spin.... ------------- There is no such thing as free installation!
Posted By: youngone
Date Posted: November 23, 2005 at 5:28 PM
Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one says he's going to get a buck. He goes out, and indeed comes back with a buck. The other two hunters ask how he did it. He says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get buck."
So the second hunter says that he's going to get a doe. And he does. They ask him how he did it, and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get doe."
So the third hunter says, "I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see."
So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten, bruised, bloody, and totally trashed. The other two hunters ask him what happened and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get hit by train!"
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Want to know some good equipment- JL,Adire Audio,Mcintosh,Brax,Helix,Eclipse,JBL,RE,Dimoand Audio,Zapco, pritty much anything DYhon,Forbidden recommend
On the12volt you give some info and you get in
Posted By: slammedb5
Date Posted: November 24, 2005 at 1:39 PM
3 racehorses are discussing their careers. One brags that he won 15 races without a loss. The second claims that he won 30 races without a loss. The third one boasts that he won 50 races without a loss. A greyhound who was eavesdropping interrupted and proclaimed, "That's nothing. I won 125 races without a loss." The three horses just stood and stared in desbelief, then the first one said, "That's incredible! A talking dog."
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EK Civic
security
no audio
Posted By: ssnds
Date Posted: December 11, 2005 at 5:12 PM
How many veitnam vets did it take to change a light bulb while in South Korea? HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!! ------------- SSounds
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