See the
Relays tab at the top of this page. The numbers refer to a DIN or Bosch/Hella etc numbering system that was/is popular - especially with common automotive "cube" aka mini-DIN type relays.
I prefer using "circuit" type diagrams where one can see the relevant terminals involved and hence match the relay to whatever you want (most automotive relays have diagrammatic legends on their body, else datasheets can be used) and hence I ignore relay terminal numbering. (In fact despite decades in automotive electrics & relays I only [i[finally learned that 85, 85, 30, 87 & 97a numbering after joining th12volt.)
85 & 86 (or 2 & 1 as below) are merely the relay coil. (With 86 (or 1) being the more positive by convention tho only important if the relay incorporates a diode to prevent voltage spikes - something I prefer to do using external diodes so I can use any "plain" relay {and ignore coil polarity}.)
30 & 87 (or 3 & 5 as below) are the independent HEAVY contacts (switch) that connect the loads - eg, fused +12V to lights. (86 is the aka NO = Normally Open contacts, ie normally open as found when boxed on a shelf. 87a (or 4 as below) (if fitted) is the NC = Normally Closed contact - it is normally (when boxed or NOT energised) connected to 30 (or 3 as below).
30 (or 3) connects to 87 (5) when the relay coil is energised.
You may prefer to use the smaller micro-DIN relays (~half the width of the ~1" cube relays) in which case the numbering is probably useless - ie, 86 & 85 are 1 & 2 respectively, & 30 & 87 (&87a if fitted) are 3 & 5 (& 4) respectively.
Or any other suitable relay.
Your relay could be a common 30A rated automotive cube (mini-DIN) type, or a micro-DIN (half cube?) tho micro-DINs are usually rated for less than 30A - eg, 16A or ~22A being typical.
Tho an SPST relay (aka 4-pin or on-off) is all that is needed, consider using an SPDT (aka 5-pin or change-over). Many do that because they are (usually) the same price and will plug into the same relay bases so one spare part suits both SPST & SPDT relay applications (assuming contact current ratings and perhaps terminal sizes are suitable).
Tho I keep thinking I'll
link instead of repeating former stuff, since my washing isn't quite yet finished...
An example of my Design approach:
Determine the maximum current draw. In this case I'd assume 160W @ 9V (since LEDs can be "constant power" loads unlike traditional loads which were
resistive else perhaps max or constant current). Hence from P=VI, I=P/V = 160W/9V = 17.7A. Hence a 20A or higher rated relay & wiring & fuse.
Normally fuses & relays (and maybe wiring) is designed to normally run at no more than say 70% of rating, hence suggesting a 17.7A/0.7 = 25A "design" (fuse & relay & wiring) tho in this case how often will you run with a 9V supply?
Hence IMO wiring & fuse a relay with at least 15A rating will suffice. EG - at 12V, 160W = 160W/12V = 13.3A but if the alternator is charging at say 14V it's 160/14 = 11.4A so a 15A design should be ok.
I will generally oversize my wiring (eg, 20A or 25A in this case) and use a 30A cube relay else a micro relay with a minimum 15A rating, preferably 20A or more.
My wiring & relays etc are often rated far higher than what is needed but I'll use a fuse commensurate with the load, hence minimising short circuit currents. I'll oversize to minimise voltage drops (not important in your case) or to allow future expansion whereby I merely have to upgrade the fuse instead of the entire distribution.
The fuse must be rated no higher than the lowest rated
distribution - eg, 16A relay with 25A wring means a max 16A fuse, hence a 15A fuse.
Note that the fuse is to protect the distribution in case of some
downstream short (to GND) and hence should be as close to the battery +12V (or whatever +12V take-off you use) as possible or practicable. The fuse IS NOT to protect the LED lights.
You should find similar advice with examples here on the12volt.
(The washing just finished. That spares you from more verbiage.)