Joke time

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tcss

Silver - Posts: 1,623

Joined: June 07, 2004

Location: United States

Posted: November 19, 2005 at 4:37 PM / IP Logged

Guy stands up in a crowded bar and says " I think all lawyers are ***holes "

Guy at the other end of the bar says " I take great offense to that remark "

First guy says " What are you a lawyer?"

" No I'm an ***HOLE"!

There is no such thing as free installation!

KarTuneMan

Platinum - Posts: 7,056

This member has made a donation to the12volt.com. Click here for more info.

This member consistently provides reliable information

Joined: December 14, 2004

Location: Isle Of Man

Posted: November 19, 2005 at 4:48 PM / IP Logged

Two friends were hunting in the woods. One was an experienced hunter.

He was taking his friend on his first hunting trip. But his friend was

a peaceful guy who didn't have the heart to hurt any animals.

Eventually, they found a deer. When they were within shooting range,

they saw that the deer had an infection in one eye. The infection

explained why the deer hadn't seen them sneak up. The experienced

hunter readied his gun and looked through the viewfinder. But before he

could shoot, his friend started making a commotion. "Hey," he said,

"this is a bad-eye deer."

KarTuneMan

Platinum - Posts: 7,056

Joined: December 14, 2004

Location: Isle Of Man

Posted: November 19, 2005 at 4:50 PM / IP Logged

COW POLITICS

Communist

You have two cows.

The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

You wait in line for hours to get it.

It's expensive and sour.

Free Enterprise

You have two cows.

You sell one, buy a bull, and build a heard of cows.

Bureaucracy

You have two cows.

Under the new program, the government pays you to shoot one, milk the

other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

Corporation, American style

You have two cows.

You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

You force the two cows to produce the milk of 4 cows.

You are surprised when one cow drops dead.

You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and

are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

PLEASE KEEP THIS THREAD OPEN, AND RUNNING....THIS IS GREAT

ss-installer

Silver - Posts: 444

Joined: February 27, 2005

Location: United States

Posted: November 19, 2005 at 6:13 PM / IP Logged

whats the best thing about dateing a homeless girl?

you can drop her off anywhere.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

why does the blonde girl keep empty beer bottles in the fridge?

for nondrinkers.

Em12986

Copper - Posts: 55

Joined: August 09, 2005

Location: United States

Posted: November 19, 2005 at 9:02 PM / IP Logged

Why do morons like lightning?

They think someone is taking their picture.

Why did it take the moron an hour to eat breakfast?

Because the orange juice carton instructions said Concentrate ! !

What do you do if a moron throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back at him.

How did the moron fall on the floor?

He tripped over the cordless phone.

How did the moron try to kill a bird?

He threw it off a mountain cliff !

Why did the moron climb the glass wall ?

To see what was on the other side!

How do you confuse a moron?

Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in one corner!

Hear about the moron that got an AM radio?

It took him a month to realize he could play it at night.

Why did the moron going to the airport turn around and go home?

Because he saw the sign that said "Airport Left".

Two morons were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.

The first moron said "These look like deer tracks,"

and the other moron said, "No, they look like moose tracks."

They argued and argued, and they were still arguing when the train hit them.

Why can't a moron dial 911?

He can't find the 11 on the phone!

How do you keep a moron in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow!

arrow12

Silver - Posts: 527

Joined: October 06, 2005

Location: United States

Posted: November 20, 2005 at 6:24 PM / IP Logged

Hope this doesn't offend anyone-

Your momma is so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Your momma is so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

Your momma is so stupid she went to a clippers game and thought she could get a hair cut.

That's my opinion. Take it, leave it, or correct me.

tcss

Silver - Posts: 1,623

Joined: June 07, 2004

Location: United States

Posted: November 21, 2005 at 3:58 PM / IP Logged

What do a 747 and a bleach blonde have in common?

They both have a black box......

There is no such thing as free installation!

supradude

Silver - Posts: 915

Joined: September 21, 2004

Location: South Carolina, United States

Posted: November 21, 2005 at 9:55 PM / IP Logged

New meanings? Iraq-When we got to the poolhall, I told my uncle, iraq, you break. Omelette- I should smack you for what you just did, but omelette this one slide. Acoustic-When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the pool hall. Hotel- I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the hotel everybody. Rectum- I had two Caddy's, but my girl rectum both.

'85 Toy

menace2sobriety

Silver - Posts: 394

Joined: October 29, 2005

Location: United States

Posted: November 23, 2005 at 12:37 AM / IP Logged

here,s one my lil' cousin told me some time ago. i dont know how it will go being writen but here goes.

how do you get an elephant into a safeway? (sub answer) take the "S" out of safe and the "F" out of way!

(answer) their is no f in way.

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chriswallace187

Gold - Posts: 1,661

Joined: March 11, 2002

Location: Pennsylvania, United States

Posted: November 23, 2005 at 4:45 AM / IP Logged

A horse walks into a bar...bartender asks "why the long face?"

A guy walks up to a club entrance with jumper cables around his neck. The bouncer says, "I'll let you in, but don't start anything!"

How many DIY project enthusiasts does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one, but it takes 2 weeks and 4 trips to the hardware store.

C Renner's Auto Electronix

My service is cheap, quick, and good - pick any two

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